She said yes!

Posted in General Mish Mash with tags , , , on July 19, 2009 by goblinmarket

Alright, I asked and she said yes. I have a grin eerily glued to my face…has been for about a week. Ho hum!


Cupid needs a fuckin’ slap.

Posted in Film, General Mish Mash, Lesbian Living, Life stuff with tags , , , , , , , , on July 13, 2009 by goblinmarket

Yo ho ho and many bottles of rum! I realize I haven’t posted for ages but there’s been a LOT going on; I’ve been partying up a storm in London Town, hitting all the regular gay hangouts…especially Lounge (much love)…loadsa house parties etc…and the reason? I’m vacating the premises; yes, I’m exiting my home town, the place I love, leaving the people I love and a blossoming relationship…why? I’m doing my Masters in Film Production at Chapman, it’s only just over a month away and I’m not going to lie; I was desperate to go before the realization hit and things were mostly downcast for me, however, with the move around the corner…I have descended into mostly solitude and sadness. I am devastated to leave all that I know and love; it honestly feels like a sacrifice I need to make at this time in my life. If there was work for me in London, believe me I would stay. I’m London to the core…did I mention I met someone? Yes; that old, rotten relationship that I croaked about so often is far behind me and only one month before I was set to leave I actually met a beautiful woman with a huge heart who treats me with respect…so I pushed back my flight to late August from mid-July…this is actually so much more painful than I’m letting on. It was my dream to go to the States and now I’ve fallen so hard, I feel like my heart is being ripped in two. Why did I have to meet her so late in the game? Thanks so much fate, you did a bloody fantastic job on this one.

There’s been so much drama and sadness and happiness that I’m very ashamed to admit my art has suffered for it; I’ve written little, filmed nothing and let my goals ebb away just a little…but no doubt the above named will have the last laugh as my ultimate sacrifice is for the greater good. This move is not something I want to do, it’s something I NEED to do…I feel like I was put here to do it and if I can’t do it, I’ll eventually just fade away into nothing and then nobody would be able to pull me up. I’m too afraid to ask her if she’ll try to make it work. Part of me feels like it’s fruitless, the relationship is just, just developing…the bond only in the initial stages of being formed…how can it last? Well it can’t but I’m too devastated to admit it.

Someone You Use

Posted in Lesbian Living, Life stuff with tags , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2009 by goblinmarket

Just a shoulder to cry on
That’s all I’ve been to you
Just someone to rely on
When your world is empty and blue

I’m just someone you call dear
Anytime you choose
I’m just someone you run to
I’m just someone you use

I’m just someone you can talk to
And that’s all I’ll ever be
Just a clown you can laugh with
Someone to treat you as you need

I’m just a fool you can love on
Any time you choose
I’m just someone you run to
I’m just someone you use

I’m just someone you run to
I’m just someone you use
Don’t you know when you need me
My little heart just can’t refuse

I’m just someone who loves you, baby
I can’t win and I can’t lose
I’m just someone you run to
I’m just someone you use

Lars Von Trier – The Misogynistic Pig

Posted in General Mish Mash on May 19, 2009 by goblinmarket

Okay, I’m currently at the Cannes Film Festival and was going to wait to post an overall summation when I returned home but I just finished watching Lars Von Trier’s new film, ‘AntiChrist’ and feel compelled to write something.

Firstly, I queued yesterday for an hour and a half to view it but the theatre was full so no go there, then today for the final viewing I arrived 2 hours early and managed to nab a good seat. The film started off with a beautiful, slow motion montage to Handel; it was stylistic and masterful; I thought, a great omen to what was to follow. Unfortunately for me, the movie turned out to be a monstrous, slap in the face to the female gender. It was THE most misogynistic piece of cinema I have ever seen and what bothers me the most is that no-one is mentioning the blatant depiction of hatred towards women! The press are using words like ‘shocking’, ‘perverse’, ‘audacious’ but not ‘MISOGYNISTIC’ – it is the most prevailing, damning and offensive theme of the movie.

In wrap up as I don’t like to dwell too long for it doth boil my blood with fury, the movie is about a couple whose child dies tragically by falling from a balcony window whilst the couple are engaging in sexual intercourse or you know, crass sex from the male perspective. The mother is obviously overwhelmed with grief and confesses to her therapist husband (Willem Defoe) that her despair has led her to fear the woods, aptly named Eden. He takes her there in order to bury her grief but instead she succumbs to what can only be described as insanity; she says she believes that all women are intrinsically evil. Blatant. Blunt. In your face. The film progresses to indulge in a medley of torture that She (Charlotte Gainsbourg) inflicts on both herself and her husband. She (for that is the character’s name) is ferocious all the way through, desperate for rough sex (as women are apparently) and determined to destroy men (again, as women obviously are). Well the denouement reveals that She, during the montage at the beginning, watched her son crawl onto the table and approach the balcony but was so involved in her own self-indulgent pleasure that she did not stop him, the film also reveals that she actually tortured her son by inflicting deliberate pain on him by making him wear his shoes the wrong way around (just another little jab of the knife by Von Prick). Later, during a sexual romp (obviously) She grabs a log and proceeds to bash Defoe’s penis with it, then she screws some kind of old fashioned tool to his leg and jacks him off with blood/cum squirting all over her top (I’m not joking). Towards the end, after copious back and forth, She uses Defoe’s hand to masturbate and then…in one of the most offensive scenes I have ever seen, she takes a pair off scissors and cuts off her clitoris; symbolizing without apologies that women’s intrinsic evil comes from their pleasure, perhaps the idea that women are able to orgasm without a man is a problem for Von Prick? or perhaps he is deathly traumatized by his teeny, tiny penis. Okay, after all this, Defoe strangles her. Then, THE biggest slap in the face comes when he burns her outside; an ode (if you can believe it) to the 15th-18th century Witch Hunts where hundreds of thousands of innocent women were murdered and brutalized simply because they were women. Finally the scene ends with Willem Defoe PICKING BERRIES!! BERRIES!! As in; man is prevalent, man is the survivor, the keeper of nature. I’m still fuming about the whole film.

It met with boos during the press screening and a few sporadic claps and general silence in ours but the resounding murmur leaving the auditorium was of shock and disgust. The women in the audience were genuinely horrified. Lars Von Trier, you are an embarrassment to yourself and the film industry. As for Cannes, I am completely bewildered as to why they screened it at all. The film should be burned. And my god, Charlotte Gainsbourg? are you an idiot? do you know what you have allowed yourself to represent?? I also happen to think Defoe will also be supremely embarrassed at the outrage that will surely ensue upon the release of this disgusting piece of male-misogynistic-bravada.

Melody Peach is going to Cannes!

Posted in General Mish Mash with tags , , , , , , , on May 11, 2009 by goblinmarket

Hello all, greetings, salutations and blessings be upon thee kindred folk! Well, I am officially wired…I’ve had about 6 hours sleep in 3 days; with a consecutive string of unproductive night shifts behind me, I have nothing to show for apart for red eyes and a contempt for misogynistic poker players. 

In more exciting news, my short, The Peculiar Blues of Melody Peach will be gracing the Short Film Corner of the Cannes Film Festival(!) It’ll be my second outing to Cannes and this year I couldn’t be less prepared; I booked my flight two days go and I’m flying out on Thursday sans business cards, copies of the movie, posters, money or much excitement…I know I will have a blast and trust me, I am so grateful for the opportunity but I just don’t have the energy or the funds this year to galavant into hyperdom. I’m starting to develop anxiety over my funding for the US, I have been awarded a fellowship of modest sorts by Chapman which I am smiley about but my god, it doesn’t even scratch the surface of funding my mere basics for a year.

I am supposed to move country in two months…TWO MONTHS and it has not struck me at all. I still feel uncreative and am still wallowing in self doubt. Can I get my head back into that kind of studious work mode again? I don’t know. I feel like all of my anger and sadness and happiness and motivation have been quashed with a schtum-ing sense of zombified numbness. It could be the toll of the night shifts or it could simply be that I’m losing my mind. I’ll get back to you on that one.


“This melancholy London – I sometimes imagine that the souls of the lost are compelled to walk through it’s streets perpetually. One feels them passing like a whiff of air.”

– William Butler Yeats


Dark rambles and lesbo radio

Posted in General Mish Mash, Lesbian Living, Life stuff with tags , , , , , , on May 2, 2009 by goblinmarket

I have really awful writer’s block that won’t allow me to get anything remotely related to a decent idea on the page. I’m full of self-doubt and feel as though everything in my head is mush!! It’s all blah and skirting around the edges. I want to grab hold of the crux and bite into the bloody meat but the slimey slab keeps slipping out of my hands. I know that all sounds like rambling insanity but it’s all true; the intrinsic becomes the extrinsic and that is a very dangerous path; I’m sure indeed that Plath and Woolf ambled down it…no, I’m not comparing myself, I’m simply trying to distinguish where the line is between your internal hubub and the way you choose to behave in your everyday life. If you hide your turmoil are you more likely to crack later down the line? or instead filter it into acute alcoholism, drugs, sex, an eating disorder? Then is it better to let it all out and risk isolation? I feel like I’m full of these nasty thoughts and feelings that love to come out at night and take full advantage of my lonesome vulnerability. 

On another tangent, completely unrelated, I’ve found myself addicted to podcasts! After all, isn’t it better to have someone else’s voice in your head for a change? Well I for one would much rather it be Sandi T of The Lesbian Mafia or KC and Elka from The Planet; yep, both big gay podcasts and both incredibly hilarious!! Sandi T is in a world of her own when it comes to honest, sharp, unadulterated humour that packs a fierce punch. Her shows all deal with important issues to do with lesbianism in the current state of our disjointed society. I love her and what it is she represents. KC and Elka are also hilarious but their podcast is really an L Word commentary and has now, sadly, ceased to exist…the final series of The L Word aired recently.

Okay on a final note, I really think Oprah is a dick. I recently heard her ask ‘if lesbianism existed because of a shortage of men?’…seriously. The bollocks that comes out of that woman’s mouth is astounding. Yes she’s done some wonderful things but my god, what unbelievable ignorance! The fact that she has so much influence over people is a scary, scary thing.


Even if you’re straight male/female or gay/lesbian, check it out…it’s pure hilarity of which may give you an unapologetic insight into the perspective of a minority you may not be privy to.


Posted in Life stuff with tags , , on April 25, 2009 by goblinmarket

I think that being disappointed in any aspect of your life is the most depressing emotion of all. I *hate* being disappointed but it seems that I constantly am, people consistently disappoint me and I consistently disappoint myself.