Cupid needs a fuckin’ slap.

Yo ho ho and many bottles of rum! I realize I haven’t posted for ages but there’s been a LOT going on; I’ve been partying up a storm in London Town, hitting all the regular gay hangouts…especially Lounge (much love)…loadsa house parties etc…and the reason? I’m vacating the premises; yes, I’m exiting my home town, the place I love, leaving the people I love and a blossoming relationship…why? I’m doing my Masters in Film Production at Chapman, it’s only just over a month away and I’m not going to lie; I was desperate to go before the realization hit and things were mostly downcast for me, however, with the move around the corner…I have descended into mostly solitude and sadness. I am devastated to leave all that I know and love; it honestly feels like a sacrifice I need to make at this time in my life. If there was work for me in London, believe me I would stay. I’m London to the core…did I mention I met someone? Yes; that old, rotten relationship that I croaked about so often is far behind me and only one month before I was set to leave I actually met a beautiful woman with a huge heart who treats me with respect…so I pushed back my flight to late August from mid-July…this is actually so much more painful than I’m letting on. It was my dream to go to the States and now I’ve fallen so hard, I feel like my heart is being ripped in two. Why did I have to meet her so late in the game? Thanks so much fate, you did a bloody fantastic job on this one.

There’s been so much drama and sadness and happiness that I’m very ashamed to admit my art has suffered for it; I’ve written little, filmed nothing and let my goals ebb away just a little…but no doubt the above named will have the last laugh as my ultimate sacrifice is for the greater good. This move is not something I want to do, it’s something I NEED to do…I feel like I was put here to do it and if I can’t do it, I’ll eventually just fade away into nothing and then nobody would be able to pull me up. I’m too afraid to ask her if she’ll try to make it work. Part of me feels like it’s fruitless, the relationship is just, just developing…the bond only in the initial stages of being formed…how can it last? Well it can’t but I’m too devastated to admit it.